The reason I don't post?

Geez, It’s been a while since I last posted anything and all I blame is school. They give us so much shit to do these days it’s really not funny.

Every day we get a ton of homework and worksheets and shit and shit and shit and bullshit and fuckshit and gayshit.

And there’s so much shit that’s been going on in my life.

My friends don’t talk anymore, I don’t enjoy their company, My cats are all pregnant and shit, my house was set on fire…

Ugh, the thing is I’m a lazy fuck and everything I’ve just said was bullshit…

I need to come up with better excuses…

Bicycle Gangsta!

You know, just when I thought people couldn’t get any stupider. The kids go and do something else that gets on my nerves.

Anyone who’s ever been to Shitti has probably seen the latest trend.

No, I’m not talking about boys wearing pink shirts and tiaras on their heads.

While that is becoming the new ‘it’ trend, since all the ‘cool’ (read: Homosexual) boys are doing it.

What I’m referring to is the new fad of riding your bicycle.

That’s right, they’ve completely and utterly lost it…

Bicycles…

What the fuck?

Why?

I mean I’d understand if they actually need it to get from one place to another, but just to show off?

I mean they look like a group of wanna be gangsta bikers…

I’m actually afraid to walk by them in case their stupidity rubs on me or something…

Now, if they looked anything like the girl above...I wouldn't be complaining...

EXTREME!!! WOOO!!!

There comes a time in a man’s life, when he must eventually take an Extreme Shit.

A man has the option of choosing both when and where to take a shit.

Some prefer to do it on their rooftops with the sun (or the moon) as their only witness (As well as any neighbors who have nothing better to do) , while others prefer the safety and seclusion of their own private bathrooms where they are free to scream in pain from the act of pushing an object through their colon tract and out their anus.

Taking an Extreme Shit is simple often enough, the man must place his anus upon some sort of hollowed seat or paper bag and begin using his well developed colon muscles to push the offending brown object quickly and smoothly out of his anus.

The act of taking an Extreme Shit is often time consuming and if care is not taken, it could result in an early (usually painful) death.

Extreme care and caution must be taken before and after to ensure the safety of not only the shitter but those around him as well, since the noxious fumes released are extremely poisonous and will kill all those within a 10 mile radius.

It is generally advisable to avoid eating anything that may cause diarrhea.

For those unfamiliar with the term, Extreme Diarrhea Shitting is an extreme form of the sport in which the shit will flow through the colon tract at half the speed of light, causing extreme damage to the anus upon exit, the diarrhea shitter will usually scream in extreme agony as it’s not really enjoyable to have what feels like acid burst through your ass.

In the more classic form of shitting the only tools a man would need would be the following:

1. Water
2. Toilet Paper
3. A spoon (A shovel is needed if you’re obese)

The water is used as both a lubricant and as a source of hydration in case the Extreme Shit takes over a day.

The toilet paper is used for cleaning up both the mess and any passersby.

The spoon is used for shoveling anything that might still linger inside you which you’re unable to push out.

Welcome to the world of Extreme Shitting…

HELP!

Neither was I, but you don't see me complaining about it. Do you?

My Dreams...

Hey all, I know I haven’t been posting for a while.

It’s just that I’ve gotten really busy these past couple of weeks and just didn’t have the time to post anything.

And since I’m still fresh out of ideas, I’ve decided to post something off of my diary instead.

Dear Diary,

I hate my friend, she’s such a bitch…

Awain, I have to wear all pink for her stupid birthday party.

But, I don’t have any pink dresses, after my old one got torn trying to run away from my rapist ex-boyfriend…But enough about that.

I just want to know, when will I go to my first dance?

When will I get my first kiss?

When will I finally meet a boy who loves me?

I mean, aren’t these questions every girl thinks about?

Then why do I feel like nobody’s ever gone through what I went through? Why do I feel so alone?

And why is my friend being such a bitch about her party? I mean, I’m happy for her and all, But can’t she see what I’m going through? Waxing my legs is painful, PMS is painful...Sometimes I wish I wasn't a girl, just to escape all the pain...

Sometimes I just want to spread my wings and fly, to meet my prince charming, to enjoy the sights and sounds of the most romantic cities in the world...

I’ve got dreams…

My dreams…

These are my dreams…

Stop Sending me Forwards and Spam

I wonder really, when did Forwards first come into existence?
Who made them?
Was it some lonely teen? Sitting all alone in front of his computer monitor, typing away on his brand new Intel 133?
Was he so attention starved that he decided to cook up some story about an evil monkey that has made the internet its home, and that you have to forward the email to 300 of your friends, or else the evil monkey will take a diarrhea dump on your head by midnight.

Who the hell would be so stupid as to believe that?

Apparently, everyone I know.

And if those aren’t bad enough, you’ve got the friendship forwards.
They go something like this:
If you are my friend and blah blah blah…Send this message back to me.

Why?

Does it look like I’m sitting here with nothing better to do except send you back, the same message you sent me?
Does hitting the reply button make me a good friend?
Or do people just want proof that they exist?

And what’s up with people and penis enlargement?
How big of an idiot do you have to believe that using an air pump will actually work?
And who the hell came up with the idea in the first place?

Actually, I’ve got a better question, who discovered how to milk a cow? And what was he doing at that moment?

YAY! VALENTINES!!

YAY! VALENTINES IS COMING UP!!

Wait, I don’t have a reason to be happy this year.
Shit, well since I don’t have the balls to confess my feelings to you.
I’m gonna let this picture do all the talking…

Life just isn't what you expect...

So, you felt like she was the one? Like, nobody would ever make you feel the way she did?
Well, you’re not the only one.
We all go through it, one time or another. The lucky ones are those who can live life without being emotionally attached to anyone at all.
What a blessing really, to manage living your whole life without caring about someone.

No matter how bad it seems, no matter how perfect she is, she’s not the only one, and she won’t be the last person to make you feel like that.
Sure, it may not be often, hell it’ll probably only happen a few times during your whole miserable life, but unfortunately it’ll happen again, whether you want it to or not.

Life isn’t a fucking fairytale.
The movies you’ve watched, the books you’ve read and the songs you’ve heard?
They’re full of shit, and you know it.

And don’t bother giving me that shit, claiming that nobody’s ever felt the way you do.
This world is small, nasty and complicated…Everybody dies alone.
But you’re not the only one to feel like your life has lost meaning, you’re not first person to think you’ll never love again, and you won’t be the last.

You’ve got no one but yourself to blame for the state you’re in.
And you know it.

No Transistory

I feel like shit
Really? Tell me something I don’t know.
You don’t know what I’m going through
Yes I do actually, or did you forget that I’m part of you?
…
You’re just being gay you know, letting it consume you the way it does
She’s got a name, she’s not some sort of object
Heh, you keep telling yourself that, they’re all objects, you’ll get over her
No, that’s where you’re wrong. It’s been going on for far too long, I can’t control it anymore.
You mean you can’t control me, face it you queer, I’m here to stay
I don’t know if I can feel anymore
She’s killing you, you fag. Stop it
I can’t, I can’t control anything anymore
Well, looks like I’m gonna have to interfere again