The Morning Shit...

10:28 Am…

There was a gentle breeze caressing the leaves of the great oak tree that he had grown beneath his window 7 years ago on the day of his marriage, he knew it was dangerous in the likely event of a storm, that the tree could likely snap in half and come crashing down and kill both him and his sleeping wife.

Speaking of his wife, she wasn’t there sleeping next to him as she usually does, it doesn’t matter to him though, he gets up off the bed, the bed sheet running across his smooth muscular body, he decides to go up to the mirror in the room taking a moment to examine himself in the mirror, his chest hair was erect, a bad sign, it had only happened to him once before, back when he was only 7. It was the hair on his head though at that time, not surprising considering he was only a child when it had happened. It was then that the first cramp hit him, doubling him over with pain, ‘Oh shit’ he muttered to himself, little did he realize the truth in those two little words, judging from the pain, he knew he didn’t have much time to reach the bathroom, he should have never trusted his wife to cook, he knew what that thing had done to his mother, it ran in the family, any woman who married into his family lost all of their ability to cook food, nobody ever understood it, and of all those who witnessed what happened, he’s the only one who ever survived, they didn’t believe him, they thought he was crazy, but he knew what he saw, his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him, he wasn’t a little kid trying to deal with the brutal death of his mother by throwing himself into a sick and twisted little fantasy, ‘Oh no, not again’ he moaned as the second wave hit him like a ton of bricks…Ten seconds later he’s finally reached the door to the bathroom, ‘No…This can’t be happening to me, it just can’t…’ as he realized with sick horror that his wife was inside the bathroom, he could hear her taking a shower inside, he didn’t have time to think there was no time to explain, he stormed through the door, his wife began screaming, thinking that he was crazy, but she didn’t know, she couldn’t know, it wasn’t her fault. He punched her in the face, silencing her, her limp body falling across the basin of the bath, he took her in his arms before her body fell to the floor and heaved her across the bathroom out into the bedroom outside, he winced at the sound her head made as it connected with the bedside table but he had more important things to worry about, he locked the door, and sat upon the toilet waiting for it to happen, this time when the pain came, he wouldn’t hold it in, he’ll let it out, he’ll let it loose or it’ll tear him from the inside out.

It’s finally time, he could feel his anus expanding as the first jet of gas was forcefully ejected from his body, the stink clogged his nostrils and brought manly tears down from his eyes, he could feel his intestines expanding as they were preparing to eject a massive load down into the toilet, he felt the acid storm through his intestines first, burning the nerves in his anus until he could feel nothing, and that was when it happened. The first jet of liquid shit shot from his ass into the toilet beneath him, sending a stream of shitty water to cover his ass with a fine mist, he could feel it hardening 4 seconds later encrusting his ass like the shell of a turtle, he dry heaved at the smell, the smell was indescribable, the pain was excruciating, he was in pure agony, as every jet of shit felt like a jet fighter scrambling out of his ass. It was only moments later that he could hear that sick maniacal laugh, like a person drowning in a pool of shit laughing his ass off. A wave of pure force threw him off the toilet sending him sliding through the bathroom on the smooth wet tile. A huge humanoid shit began to rise from the toilet.

‘What do you want from me’ he asked.

‘I want you to tell me my name’ the shit replied.

‘You’re Evil Poopoo, the one who killed my mother’

‘Hardly, your mother’s death was caused by her inability to cook and neither is my name Evil Poopoo that was the name given to me by a desperate little child unable to deal with reality’

‘Then what is it? What’s your name?’

‘I am Lord Diarrhea; I am he who shall take the life of your wife, she who cannot cook’

‘Never! I won’t let you’

‘Silence mortal’ shouted Lord Diarrhea as he threw a huge ball of quick dry shit, encrusting him from head to toe in a prison of shit.

He could do nothing but squirm as he heard the screams of his wife, he could only imagine what was being done to her, he never heard her scream like that, he never heard anyone make those noises before, soon all he could hear were the gurgling sounds as he knew she was drowning in a pool of his own shit…

A Mothers Love

It was a hot summers night, she was sitting at home all alone dressed in a pair of old jeans that were torn around the edges and a loose fitting white shirt, the shirt wasn’t hers and she doesn’t remember his name either.

It’s a strange feeling when your life, the one you’ve envisioned for yourself, the one you think you deserve, the one you’ve worked for, comes crashing down around you without the slightest warning. How just one mistake, just one moment of passion could destroy it all.

How could what felt so right at the time be so wrong?

She gets up, wincing at the pain in her knees and quietly proceeds to the bathroom.

Inside the bathroom it’s dark, but she’s been here a thousand times, she knows where everything is, she doesn’t need any light to make her way to the sink, if there was any light, we would see that her eyes were red and puffy, underneath they were moist…She’s been crying. We would also see that she was once beautiful, but now she’s nothing more than a mere ghost of her former self, her radiant smile has become crooked, she’s lost a few teeth, her eyes have lost their brilliant radiance, her hair frames her face in ragged clumps and one cheek is lined with a scar that runs down to her neck, she looks too old.

She reaches into the medicine cabinet and pulls out a bottle of pills and places a few into her mouth, she washes them down with some water. She shuts off the water tap and leaves the bathroom; she’s just as quite leaving as she was coming in.

She tiptoes to the baby’s cradle, making sure she doesn’t wake it, she puts her hands on its lips and gives it one last kiss, singing a lullaby while she smothered it.

She placed it’s body back in the crib, still singing…She went back to bed knowing she wouldn’t see another sunrise, knowing that it’s all over now, that everything is going to be alright. She went to sleep knowing that she wouldn’t be there for her 18^th birthday…

*I'm really not happy with the ending...I'll consider changing it later on...Let me know what you guys think...

Just Another Lonesome Day…

It’s strange what people do when there’s no one watching…When they’re alone, truly alone…Here’s an example if you don’t get what I’m saying…If someone was left alone in his house…He may get the urge to do something he doesn’t do often, such as…Taking off all of his clothes, Putting on a Cowboy hat…And pretending to be a naked Cowboy, Running around the house…Which may sound awesome…But really isn’t that nice…A bit too breezy...People really only show who they are when they’re alone…By nature…We put on a mask whenever we’re not alone…I sometimes doubt if we know who and what we really are…Just like an actor may actually believe that he’s no longer acting and that he’s now ‘living’ his role…So do we begin to ‘live’ our roles that we were cast for…Completely and blissfully unaware of what we really are…

Let me ask you this…How many people seem ‘fake’ to you…That they’re not who they really are…They make stuff up…The pretend to be nice or they pretend to be complete assholes…They pretend to be troubled or they pretend to be carefree…It’s really not a wonder that somewhere along the line…We began to believe that the only way we can truly fit in is…well…by pretending to be someone we’re not…

How to write a love letter...

Alright constant reader...For this little post...I'm going to actually enlighten you with something most people are familiar with...But haven't got a clue to do...
How many times have you stared at someone from across the room...She's the hottest, smartest thing you've ever seen...And you haven't got a chance in hell with her...Well...Maybe a letter from you might get her heart pumping...So I'm going to use a real letter I once wrote...But never got the chance to send because I was so shy...To show you guys how it's done...


Dear X,

You're probably who I am, Why I've sent this letter...Well...I've got a crush on you...And I hope to show you how I feel...I've wondered how long I can see you sitting there...So far away...Smiling, laughing...Until I got the courage to walk up to you and finally be the one to make you smile...I've wondered what it would take to finally get you off my mind...I've lain awake for nights constantly...Searching inside me for the courage to face my fears and walk up to you and express about how I feel...To tell you how much I care about you...About what you mean to me...But I've realized something...The thing I loved the most about your smile...Wasn't the the perfection in it...Or the way your whole faced lights up...It's me imagining my fist crashing into it...And your beautiful soft voice screaming in pain...Of you moaning softly...Of tears streaming out of those beautiful brown eyes of yours in raging streams that reminds me of an angry river...I want to take that beautiful face of yours...And paint it black and blue with my fist...I want to tie you...Just so I could cut you...Little by little...Painfully...
And if you should happen to gain a few pounds? Well don't worry...I'll still love you...But only after I've run you over with a steamroller...and used what's left of you as an ironing board...
I hope you die...You and your whole family...

Love and Respect,
WeirdGoat...


P.S. I'm usually a very nice person...But I just don't like you....


Well reader...We've come to the end...I hope you take this letter...And use it as an example when you're struggling to find the right words to say to that special someone...