The Hume Male

Anytime you venture out of the safety of your home planet and into the atmosphere of the tiny blue planet known as earth, you’re bound to meet Homo sapiens otherwise known as humans.

Humans are known to be the descendents of monkeys and not mice as some sources may claim, although humans are known to be extremely ashamed of their ancestors and keep them locked up in cages for their own pleasure, possibly as a reminder to their origin.

Some researches claim that the human went through an evolutionary stage known as the Yeti or Bigfoot, generally thought to be larger than the common human and covered in a thick fur, either brown or white in color.

Humans are an extremely intelligent race compared to the other species living on the planet, such as penguins.

Upon closer inspection of this magnificent creature we can easily define two major sub-groups. They are known as the male and female sub-groups of the species, some experts argue that they are two completely different species who have formed a symbiotic relationship during evolution.

The female sub-group will be discussed in detail later, for this essay we will discuss the male sub-group:

1. Appearance: Men appear to be slightly larger than that of women and also carry an extra organ between their legs, used either as a status symbol or in some cases a weapon.

Men are generally hairier than women although it has been noted that there are women who do not shave and often have an amount of hair that surpasses that of men, these women are commonly referred to as ugly and fat and are shunned by most men in the community.

Men in general have the ability to grow facial hair and the skill to control the size of the large organ between their legs.

2. Habits: It is to be noted that men generally scratch at the crotch area and when walking attempt to place both hands in a position which clearly defend the crotch area against any surprise attack.

Men generally engage in bouts of superiority, when a dominant male approaches another of lower status the following conversation may be noticed:

Dom: Hi!

Sub: Hey…
Dom: That’s an awesome pair of shoes you’ve got.

Sub: Uhh, thanks.

Dom: Mind giving them to me?

Sub: Wha?

Dom: DIE BITCH DIE!!

The dominant male at this time will attack the male of lower standing and claim the superior foot wear for himself, regardless if it fits or not.

Scientists have still not understood this behavior and no further research has been conducted.

3. Intelligence: The male species is extremely intelligent and myths regarding the imbalance of intelligence between sexes are grossly overstated. Men in general have the cognitive ability to discuss a wide array of subjects ranging from the size of their penis to the size of their balls, although usually discussions are competitive in nature, their intelligence is not to be underestimated. They are able to ask for information, find faults in a logical argument and in some cases will even attempt to introduce some new information that may deny common sense and logic.

Dom: Hey man, did you know my balls are bigger than yours.

Sub: Not really, check these out.

The submissive male at this point will take off his pants to prove that the dominant male is wrong, therefore stripping him of his status.

Dom: Damn, they really are huge. You rule man.

The final words are the recognition of the dominant male that he has been replaced by a new male.

4. Sex: Men are generally occupied with the thought of sex and will never pass down a chance at procreation.

Studies have shown that men not capable of reproduction with a suitable female at an early age grow desperate and rely heavily on the use of their hands for relief.

Studies have also shown that men rely heavily on the size of their reproductive organ to attract members of the opposite sex, although this too is inconclusive and requires additional research.

It is to be noted that men if angered will forcefully have sex with one another.

Dom: Fuck you!
Sub: NO! FUCK YOU!!
Dom: That’s it, I’m gonna fuck you so hard up the ass, that you’re gonna shit diarrhea through your dick!